Renny Arthur Stern's Journal
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Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Well my life has been on a wonderful uphill trend and to be frankly honest I intend to keep it that way. So I started working at this coffee shop in the Freehold Mall and I met a wondeful young girl there. For now trhats all ur gettin at this Fat Man, more on the subject may appear over time but for now you will have to wait in a n t i c a p a t i o n. well night for now y'all oh and if any of you people who play in the Deadlands LARP run by FISHDEVIL PROD. and you would like to discuss your character ort anything involving your cahracter you can IM me at vorpal@aol.com or you can contact my LJ which ever. We;ll stay tuned for more exciting and hopefully non-sucky episodes of RENNY"S LIFE dah dah dah dah dah dah. (theme music)
-Renny
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
So through the help of my latent frined lanfare i may have a job at the freehold mall so yea come on in and watch the hilarity of two stonerds workin a coffee shop. Sure to be this summer's comedy blockbuster. watch as each of them horribely scalds the other in a "coffee war", watch as one of them sticks the other's hand in the blender, and try to avoid the cherry smoothies. So yes come one, come all to the comedy show extravanganza starring Retard chris and FatMan.
-FatMan
Thursday, May 26, 2005
ok so i just saw this what you think of your friends quiz on anna's LJ so i said why the fuk not it is hilarious:
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
|
Meg is your soulmate. |
| You truly love Rick. |
| You consider Gene your true friend. |
| You know that Frank is always thinking of you. |
| You'll remember Stanley for the rest of your life. |
| You secretly think Amit is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. |
| You secretly think that Sara is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. |
| You secretly think that Amanda is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Amanda changes lovers faster than underwear. |
| You secretly think Cappy is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Cappy has a hidden internet romance. |
It's a fairly easy question I think, what is important to you, but with alot of complicated answers? The answers vary for everyone but thats what makes us all special or so my mom tells me. Well here goes Pimp Renny's list of important thangs:
1. Friends- Above all else I value my friendships above most other things in my life. If I can call someone a valuable friend and know they won't do stupid shit like lie and decieve you thats pretty high up there. As of late I am reconsidering the importance of such a subject because of recent actions and ways of being that my friends have chosen to take. It is not the fact that I have devalued what friendships mean to me but more that my friends seem to have devalued it into a friendship of conveniency. Now this is not true of all my friends but is becoming more and more so with each passing day. I believe that I need to redefine the nature of our associations. Only because I believe that friendship is a pretty important relationship and others seem to think that having friends around is only good when they need them. I cannot blame them for such ways of thought but it I certainly to no want to be associated with such social excriment because as the saying goes "Alot can be said about you by the friends you keep".
2. Family- Now you may say well thats kinda shitty of you to hold your friends in a higher regard then those of your kin. This is how things have always been for me and may not remain so after the redifining process but thus far has pretty much how it has been. Now don't get me wrong I still love my father, brother, and mother even if my parents are divorced. Now I have fucked up pretty goddam badly throughout my life and I would even go as far as saying that I was a pretty shitty son. But as of recent I am realising more and more what family means and that whole "they are pretty much all you got when it comes right down to it" theory is holding true more often than not. I have had every oppurtunity in life to succeed; natural talent, loving family, good schooling and the like and what did I do with it I smoked it away. And you have no idea how much it pains the very threads of my soul that hold it together that I can never go back and change all the wrongs in my life. I have put my parents through anguish and heartbreak and worse I am sure but yet they still continue to love me. It makes no coneivable sense to me why they would put up with my shit but living with my father i am slowly realising why. I think that my dad having a son was the best thing to ever happen to him and like most parents only wanted the best for his children. My dad loves me no matter what and thats pretty fuckin amazin in fact I think that I am gonna show him how much he means to me. I have always had agreat relationship with my father and hope that one day that my son will look up to me as I look up to him. He is amazing action hero or super scientist but His personality is more trusting and caring than I have seen in many other individuals ion my life. My biggest fear in my life is losing him and the ensuing chaos that would be brought into my life, its one of those voids that i dont know if i will be able to fill.
3. Writing- This is my passion, my hope, my never-ending dream to spend the rest of my life reading and writing and making a name for myself. This is something that has always come naturally to me in life, I have never had to sit and brainstorm about a paper I just start writing and once I find the right flow it's done before I know it. Me being a lazy bastard and valuing stupid things over others has prevented me from really shining in this area in any sort of academic sense. I believe that I was brought into this world for one reason, to write the best goddam book that I am capable of writing. I have realised with the help of others that thisis what should be my driving goal and should prettymuch dictate where my life goes. I also am a firm believer in the fact that to be able to write about others experiences you must have a wide variety of your own to draw from.
4. Comedy- This may seem silly to some but it is honestly important to me. I believe that you need to be able to joke about life and humor is as they say "the best medicine". Which is why much of my personality is the way it is, I am rarely a serious person and try to find humor in every aspect of life. It's hard when your really down but there is always something to bring a smile to your face or a laugh from your lips its just about knowing where to look. I try to show people that everything is a joke in one way or another it is all about identifying where jokes and are and how to make light of a situation. Now the main thing is to realise where and when humor should be used and sometimes its better to wait to laugh about something until after its happened. This one is also a slight dream as well; If one day I could count myself amongst the great comedians of our time that would certainly be a proud day for me. This dream however has a lot holding it back, I am not the most confident person in the world and making jokes in front of entire audiences scares the shit out of me. But hopefully someday I will shed this silly fear and do what everyone says I should do and be a stand-up comic but until then...
5. Role-Playing- Ok so this one only a few people will understand and even then they prolly don't know the half of it. It all goes back to the beginning for me, when i was roughly 9 years old my dad and all his friends played D&D regularly. I thought it was "cool" at the time but couldn't play because my Dad told me I needed to learn how to read. Now I am not entirely sure the actual age you learn to read at so it may have even been earlier but I learned how to read within the next two weeks so i could play D&D with my dad. Now at first I couldn't play with the grown-ups cuz I was a kid obviously. So my dad instead of reading us bedtime stories would run us through little adventures at night that only took place in our minds and let me tell you they were the coolest thing ever when I was a kid. This may account for my rather over active imagination but I certainly don't see it as a bad thing. As time passed I became more mature (HAH) and thusly so did my Role-playing, even as a younger teen I would play with people double my age and be "better" than them. Now Role-playing is so integrated into who I am it comes "naturally" to me, I can play any role be it female or male, good or evil. Now that I have role-played and ran my own games rather extensively I realise what role-playing is: It's a way of escaping from all the troubles of the world while still having an aspect of yourself (all characters a person makes are to some extent or antoher, an extension of themselves) to anchor you back to the real world. Role-playing is a great tool to build an imagination, to learn something new about yourself, and make some pretty good friends along the way. I hope that someday I can have a similar relationship with my son that I have had with my father when it comes to role-playing. The stories that will come from a night of gaming will be better than any book because your not reading about a hero you would like to be, YOU are the hero, You make the dramatic ending, YOU control exactly what the hero does. And trust me its a pretty cool feeling when it all comes together in the end.
Thats all I can think of for now, If anyone would like to throw topics out there for me to write about that you think are important to me let me know. Other than that these are prolly the top ones in my life but I am sure I amissin some of em. So to all my loyal fans (hahaha) just give me some feedback and let me know what you think.
-Inflectual Renny at his ?best?
Saturday, May 21, 2005
So I have been thinkin alot about the past and why it was so much cooler than the present. And a few things dawned on me to why this could be. Well for starters back then everyone was a team, ya know we had our own little crew and we all chilled and it was great. Everyone kinda knew their role on the team and did their job pretty well. But then stupid things like girls, mistrust, secrecy, dishonesty, swelling prides, bruised egos, inflated egos, theft, false senses of maturity, and people thinking they are something they are not found its way into our midst. This isnt something that one would be able to point out mind you this was a slow gradual process that happened over time. If I sat here and racked my brain for specific incidents when shit went wrong I am sure things may become clearer, but since I do not want to cast the shadow of guilt upon anybody's head I will not. But it's weird man, like the old crew has split up into new crews with some of the same players in each one but its different becasue their roles have been altered and I dont think that people can handle the stations they have appointed themselves to. Recently I played Jade Empire (Awesome Game) and a big factor of the game was people overstepping their stations and trying to be something they either were'nt meant to be or fulfilling a role they have absolutely no qualifications for. Now this may sound very broad and over viewing but such is the way of things when you are not trying to shine the spotlight of blame upon others.
This new split team thing though is not working out at all. There is no longer a cohesiveness betweeen people that once existed almost without acknowledgement. I think that many people are trying to grow up way too fast and are taking themselves way too seriously. I believe that people need to take a step back from their lives every once in a while and say "hey am I being a douchebag right now, am I considering the feelings and thoughts of my friends" and then re-assess their way of being. Don't get me wrong, do what you have to do, but in the case of those you consider your friends, have a little heart in the matter. I mean I am not trying to tell a professional heckler to not be witty cuz he is hurting someones feelings but you know realise what a joke is and what a joke isn't. A joke should be nothing more than that, words stringed together in a strategic way to make someone laugh at you or with you. That is the beauty of humor it works both ways and the effect is the same, most of the time. A joke should never be made into a personal thing, trying to harm one's psyche or ego. Trust me their are enough assholes and fuckheads in the world that will do it without you having to be friends with them. I mean a friend is someone who is there for you, ya know picking you up when your at the bottom, Looking out for your best interests, and someone you can feel comfortable with anywhere. Beinga frined does not include; kicking you when your down and being a dick to that person unless he really deserves to be taught a lesson. A friend is certainly not someone who you can only hang out with while under an altered state of mind, not someone who will laugh at you when your hurt(emotionally or physically), or someone who can't or won't do things on their own and "force" menial tasks upon you because they feel it is above them or something. I mean I always thought a friend was someone who looked out for you, was honest with you when you were maybe a little to beligerent or forward with someone, and tried not to make you look like an ass unless you deserved it or it was all in good fun. That goes two ways as well, you as someone's friend have a certain obligation to someone, to watch their back, not let people sully their "good" names, and most importantly don't let other people influence what you think about that person. Oh yea and the biggest most grandiose one of them all is HONESTY, that's right. Being honest and truthful with someone you claim to be your friend or even surrogate brother is key to a healthy relationship. How can you consider a person more than an acquaintance if you can't trust them. Oh and if this is something that you want to get a move on for if this is happening to you because a false sense of trust makes you feel alot dumber later and tends to fuck with how you interact with people afterwards.
Please don't think that I am subtely trying to call one of my friends out on their shit cuz I'm not. I just writes it how I sees it. This sort of discord I have seen from all branches of my friend circles, from closest friend to most distant on the verge of not being friends with kind of friend. Please people who read this if you really consider someone your friend; be honest with them about how you feel about them or if a course of action they are taking will harm them or ultimately end up being negative for them, your doing them a favor. A little piece of advice I am gonna sneak in here; sometimes however you might just need some space from people to really appreciate a person, like don't hang out with someone for a week and see how it is the next time you see them, I gaurantee it will surprise you. And if you are having similar problems that I am with your friends sucking and all, before trying to reconciliate the problem ask yourself these nifty questions:
A. Is it worth it?
B. How much do you care about these people to try and make it work?
C. Do you think they will put in the same effort into the friendship that you are?
D. Are they the same person you began to be friends with, and if not are they the kind of person you want to be friends with now?
E. Always remember that a Satanist is nobody's friend but the Devil's.
I really don't have much more to say without incriminating my crappy comrades. So my only advice to you is to do what I have to do: find some middle ground where this can all be handled once and for all. With no outside influences just the people involved, no nagging girl friends, people from other social circles, or un-needed influences. Here's my personal advice; find someone who has a pig farm and hack all your sucky friends into little bits and feed them to the piggies. No evidence, no more sucky friends, and nothing linking you to the crime. On a serious note though just talk to your friends man, let them know the deal and how you really feel, if they are truly your friends they will listen and take your thoughts into consideration and hopefully your friendship will be better for ya. But just remember if it doesn't don't come back here blaming me cuz my friends may be vastly different than yours, in fact I gauran-fukin-tee it. So just remember boys and girls Beware of any man who owns a pig farm.
- Renny sayin things that needed to be said "its how i roll"
Thursday, May 19, 2005
well i know its been a while and all but I am, as I am sure you all know, a lazy and rather "loveably large" (nicest way I ever heard of being called fat) person. And this one is a little later in coming then I would like but these things are not important.
STAR WARS: ok a half-way decent sci fi flick if u have never seen a sci-fi movie even resembling Star wars. If you like flashy lights, spinny lightsabers, and thin plotlines this one is for you. If your a fan of movies that just kind of "tie things up at the end" so that everything else makes sense for the rest of the series, this is a must see. I mean I can't say it was all bad considering it certainly was better than the first two pieces of crap Lucas made. The movie left this star wars fan wanting more than just flashy cg effects and real honest to god *gasp* plot. I mean don't get me wrong it was there but it was there in the way that really weak lemonade is there just kinda reminds you of what good lemonade is like. Renny's Rating: B-
Don't you worry boys and girls renny has had a lot of internal conflict goin on so there will be rants a plenty but it is currently 5:13 and I'm out
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Well happy belated 4/20 to all and I hope that it was celebrated joyously by everyone. My 4/20 went splendidly for most of the day: we started it off at megs place and moved thru old bridge visiting the mighty and grand kahuna and him launching two torpedos down our throats, then we went to the park like good little hippies and played frisbee, then ending up back at megans to go to a hippy festival. The first two were simple and enjoyable in their own way but the hippy festival was magic man pure magic. So when we first get there not a whole lot was goin on side for these three dudes playin indian drums and guitar to make a really awesome beat and it was really cool because it was like free playing, one guy would stop on the drums only to join in a bit later with a different beat. So that was cool for a little while then me and sonjelle go for a walk and come back and geuss whos there. The light of the starless night, the heaven sent messenger, the radiance that outshines the sun, The shining jewel amongst the rubbish. And man was she loaded but in a wonderful mood to dance and feel fancy free and lucky for her this hip hop punk music was goin on. It was a freakin blast; at first we were just dancin on our own but then we were invited on the dance floor and i was a bit hesitant, tryin to make up excuses why I shouldnt dance. Of course julia bolted on the dance floor much to my chagrin; but i thought of stuppid shit to tell her like "im not ready for the big stage or somethin" but just watchin her there wreathing like fire and twice as passionate it was gorgeous. And who was i to deny such beauty, so I watched from afar for some time but then her eyes caught mine she smiled and beckoned me to her and like a hypnotist she drew me right in to that dance floor. I can't complain tho it was awesome just being in the moment, dancing, not giving a fuck about the world around you except for the black haired beauty in front of you. It was pure magic and the reason that this semi rant is labeled "The right and wrong thing to do" is that in every situation involving morals and ethics (something i do not approve of) there is a "right" or "wrong" thing to do. And i was in such a situation myself that very nite. Well so we go to the bathroom to get a drink and whatnot anbd she doesnt have her monay so without thinking twice I pay for a drink for the darling girl. But as a surcharge i tell her she must tell me my fortune and the fortune she predicts is one I have only dreamed of. So in pondering what i should or should not do about this little predicament of mine and at the time I almost said HELL YEA but the other voice thats rational and calm and usually tells you what you should be doing and not what u want to do spoke first. And i am happy it did because I would have felt terrible if something happened that was only because of her drunkedness and not cuz of what she wanted. I discuseed this with a friend and they agree i did the right thing and i believe so too but man do i regret not even going for it and i always will. Oh and then we came back to old bridge to celebrate with paul a bit but there ends my story and to all of you other knuckleheads who get yourself in situations like mine dont do what i did man, go for the gold, fuck regret, and do what you gotta do.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Theuhuhuhuhuhuhuh Yankkes win!!! Theuhuhuhuhuhuhuh Yankees win!!! So yanks whooped the orioles 8-5 with an amazing three run homer from booben (ruben) martinez, not to mention a homer from Giambi, And Hideki Matsui being the worst samurai baseball player EVER.
Thursday, April 7, 2005
Everytime you make a choice it alters your life no matter how minor or major these choices seem to be they do affect and ultimately decide the course of ones life. While the choice between pepsi or coke is not a major choice it is still one that was concsiously made by a person based on a number of factors, including taste, personal health, etc. But such is the way we make choices; everyone makes a choice based off of past experience, quality of said experience, possible consequences of a choice, possible gains of a choice, and about a hundred other factors that all go on in ones head as the decision making process nears completion. These are all completely personal and unique depending on the person obviously. But this is what seperates us from monkeys, besides being able to flush our feces into a magial water hole, the conscious decision of whether or not to do something in a given situation. See animals do not contain this choice making process, their minds work off of instinct and primal urges beyond thier control, all they have known since birth are these primal instincts which seemed to be okay for their rest of their respective species and have been workin out pretty good for them. But us humans are different we get the choice, we always have a choice. The choice to do or not do drugs, the choice to kill a person, the choice to let a man live, the choice to do nothing, the choice to sit at home and vegetate in front of the tv. These are all decisions we have made with our super human choice making abilities. But what is a person who has no choice? Has one become less of a person without such an ability, are they less than a person, are they simply animals acting off of instinct, or are they proverbial wolves in human clothing? I am unsure of the answer to this but i believe that movies try to portray people who have made poor choices throughout thier lives and have ultimately ended up with no choice and you see examples of this in all forms; hookers, strippers, men indebted to crime organizations, any one left with "no way out". But what is a person who can no longer make decisions on thier own? I do not mean those incapabable of making their own choices such as people with mental illness, addicts, and others who are mentally unstable or chemically in need of something. These are not the people i am speaking of; i speak of those who have made the ultimate poor choice of giving another person the responsibility of their own choice making process. Well these things happen all the time in marriages, businesses, and even some friendships. But it is difficult i would think to give another person that kind of weight in your own decision making processes. You have to consider well they are already making decsions for themselves how could one possibly make choices for another at the same time. This usually happens when a mutual goal or feeling is shared where these two parties would both be working towards thew same desires or goals. And one would also have to consider that maybe this person who is making decisions for me is not working in my best interest. But what happens when you no longer want another to have that kind of power or you have unknowingly put yourself in a bad situation through allowing another to make choices for you. It all comes back to the same thing, choice, one can always say no or i dont want to or fuck off. But no matter how you phrase it the message is clear; no matter how bad or how deeply one has put themselves into a situation there is always a way out. Poker is a perfect example of this; let us say that you have an awesome hand, full house Aces full, but just before the last round of betting which you have been throwing money heavily into, you realise that the person next to you has a straight flush. Well there is no way to beat him and you certainly do not want to lose more money even though you have invested quite a bit into the hand, the good choice here would be to fold but of course this is not the limitation of your choices, yuo could kill the man, you could accept your losses and cash out, you can call the man a liar and try to discredit him and his hand, these are all options laid out before you but ultimately you choose. Understand however that life is not so simple and i am not so ignorant as to believe it to be so cut and dry, but the analogy still applies. Every situation is different and has an endless possibilty of possible outcomes based on choices or lack there of. What i am trying to get at is if you are in a bad situation where the bad far outweighs the good, get the hell out of dodge, say no and move on. I dont understand how one could be so blind to the fact that they were being put into a bad situation and not realise it until they have suffered the consequences of a choice they never made. Ah but see this is where i realise another part of what it is to be human; emotion. When you add that seven letter e word to a situation the outcomes are harder to see, harder to predict, not as easy to fore see the outcome. Emotions just fuck everything up when it comes to choices. People will make seemingly irrational and often un wise choices based on this silly little word. There is no rhyme or reason to this it is merely how the human mind works often rational logical situations are clouded by emotion making them harder to deal with or not as easy to back out of. Ah but see if people made decisions based purely off of logic and sound reasoning we would live in a perfect world where no one fought or was impoverished and weed would rain down from the heavens like a glorious shower of cannabis. But this world is not that fantasy land i speak of; we live in a harsh and often aggravating world where the why behind a choice is unclear or makes no conceivable sense to the logical and rational mind. But this too is portrayed in movies and stories; the notion of an emotion being so strong it would override normal rational thought and action and make people do insane and often unrealistic things in the name of things like love, honor, regret, sorrow, revenge, and a host of seemingly overpowering emotions that can command a person to do things they never thought possible of themselves. Now i may be completely wrong when i say this because of my lack of experiencing such strong emotions but i can not see this to be rational or even remotely true. Now i can admit to being wrong or in correct so if this be the case please enlighten this ranting writer. ]
Well the only way i can end this grammarless and ill-concieved creature of my mind is with this simple advice. Instead of of using logic or emotion or any thing else to make your choices how but just weighing the options, ya know good vs. bad, pros and cons, oh shits and awesomes; it shouldnt be that mind numbingly simple however but it can be when you need it to be and please of all things learn from your past, dont take everything at face value, and if your in a bad situation that is only getting worse count your chips count your losses and get the fuck out of there.
Friday, April 1, 2005
the post previous to this one was the first rant of many. Just figured i would tell all of my adoring fans. PEACE
This may very well be the most hypocritical thing i have ever done.
I have been lying in bed awake for the past few hours and i know now why this is. This insomnia that plagues me so has to do with my friends and the delicate game we all play of socialization with each other also known as the human condition. See now most normal folk take the path of least resistance and I do not, this much i know for I do so enjoy the risks and gambles we take in life. Others however stick true to the easier path, making life seemingly less complex, simpler to deal with, easier to break down. But such is the way of the human mind; take a complex problem and break it down into smaller, easier to deal with parts, then solve.
I cannot take this path for it merely boggles my mind how one could so easily forgoe the risks and gambles of life before one has truly experienced them or have had the oppurtunity to take such risks. These easy path walkers we see in every day life, any boy or girl who has gotten married or had a child directly after high school is a product of such a thing. They have experienced something unlike they ever have before in the insane and often confusing time that is high school. This experience being the only one they draw off of seems the best and most noble path for it is filled with love or promises of a brighter future. For those who cannot see past thier own experiences and cannot have even the least bit of foresight this seems to them the best thing to have ever happened to them. For those close minded people they do not think of thier prospective futures or where their life may lead them 5 years down the road. They only know the now of things, they cannot or will not think ahead for either it frightens them or they simply refuse to acknowledge the fact that things can and often do change. This is merely the product of our generation of instant gratification or sheer ignorance I havent made up my mind on it yet.
The only reason such things come to my mind is because i see so many of my own friends falling into niches of imagined comfort which they must think is going to last forever. These easy path walker have settled in to a comfortable place and changing that situation or improving it often seems not worth it or "too much work" to this I say bullshit. It is as simple as making a choice to continue living a life of imiginary feelings and lies or not to, thats it. These many friends i speak of are all in the 18 to 21 range, and i ask them is that not the time to change your lifestyle constantly to gain a wide view of experiences so that one may reach adulthood with many life experiences under ones belt, so that once you have achieved this state of adulthood you will know it is so for you have experienced the things to mold you into an INDEPENDENTLY STRONG person of mind, body, and spirit. Is that not the key to adulthood to be able to support one self in all complete senses of the word; financially, physically, and mentally. And yes i do realise that responsibiltiy is a very big factor into becoming an adult but once one has lived on thier own and has been responsible for maintaining ones own lifestyle and general well being this comes naturally to a person over time.
Maybe this is the dwellings of a tired mind such as mine but isnt that what your youth is for to learn, to see the world and all it holds, to have adventures to tell your grandchildren about, to leave a legacy that one could call one's own. Isn't your youth about leaving everything behind and going out into the world to find your place in it and come back a new person changed and matured by the hard reality that is life. Well you may say unto me "Renny I know where i want my life to be. I need no more of these so called life experiences you speak of." and i would say unto thee "What is wrong in learning something else, where is there fault in testing your self and your limitations, Who is to say that out there somewhere in the world there is someone or something that truly compels you to live your life to the fullest. You will not know these things until you try."
However I am not so ignorant to see why one would not want to go out into this world. It is the fear of the unknown, the fear of uncertainty to ones fate, the fear that once they leave thier home that they will be lost and all alone in the world. These reasons are valid but certainly not enough to hold one back from ones dreams or goals that pursuit in fulfillment of ones own life. Is that not worth getting up off the couch and turning off the television for. It was said best by some greek guy "Carpe Dium" simply put "Sieze the day", take fulll advantage of life, do not sit idly by whilst oppurtunitys pass you by. This mind set and certain view may be the product of being young and not knowing the hardships that lay in front of me or the trials and tribulations that I am sure I will have to deal with when I'm older. But when that time comes I hope that I have sufficiently gained enough life experience to deal with the problem in the best way possible; my way. This is not said out of ego or pompous attitude, but a product of certainty that i will have hoped to have gained when the time is right.
See here is where i was going to list all the stupid and easily fixed problems people are having which are remedied by logic and a bit of *gasp* common sense but i feel i will wait on this until people have read this and feedback is to be had.
Current mood:  and inflectual
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Hey this is my first time writing in this thing in a whiole, to all of those who've missed me. I heard this the other day "If a writer doesnt write what is he?" and i thought to myself, nothing. IOf ypour not eriting then ur not a writer and i think that is dsome solid advice. So here is my go at keeping up my self-proclaimed title of some-day-writer. Wel;l thats all for now cuz i am fukin tired and horny so nite bitches.
-Pimp Renny
"Bitches line up for PIMP RENNY!"
Friday, June 20, 2003
yea so i am at the con and have already had four drinks ROCK yea so def hoping for an awesome time but am kinda scared wat is gonna happen between lanfare and amanda but meh sammy quest is finally fucking happen mwahahahahahaha fun fun yea sowhole lots ofbaddrama going on with money and thievingand all this other stupid shit anit is def doing way too many drugs he is gonna fukin ruin his body but hey cool man have fun whatever and yea so marissa is being a little wierd i dont know what is goin on with that but whatever so i fucking graduated ANDI WOULD JUST LIKETO SAY TO AZLL YOUMOTHERFUCKERS WHO THOUGHT I WASNT GRADUATING FUCK YOUTHATSRIGHT FUCK YOU CUZ I DID IT AND FUCK YOU so yea mymom is a whore since i have to go to summer school andshit she doesnt want to come to my graduation FUCK HER THEN i dont give a flying fuck if she comes or not and frankly i hope she doesnt now but whatever well see all u crazypotheads later i am gonna go have a rockin time at the con
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
oh my god amanda is back and i am sooooooooooooooooooo happy like when i first saw her she ran up to me and jumped on me i love her so much yea so tonight was fun got to go see mel and bill that was cool and we chilled at jons yea and then pizza stuff then i got really distracted by this light but whatever amit is acting wierd sumthin is up wit him and yes i know he will read this but whatever so yea marissa is in canada and i kinda talked to stevo but i dunno yea so school is almost over and i cant fucking wait i hate obhs sooooooooooooooooo much yea so amanda is hardcore over chris and i am so happy for her and today amand became my best friend all over again it was like i met her all over again at walmart it was so amazing yea so bridgeway diner may never let us eat thier again cuz we were bein a bunch of assholes but god was it funny and man did i say i love amanda enough times cuz i am not sure if i did yea so peese out all cant wait for the summer to come
Monday, June 9, 2003
so this weekend was cool got to hang out with cool people and do alot of cool illegal things it was fun i dont know i really really really miss amanda people dont realise that i used to see that girl every single day of my life for the past like 8 months and now that she isnt here its wierd like something is missing like my testicle or sumthin but yea so i saw allie's post about the whole straight edge thing and was like wow cuz all the potheads i know including me we are never ever like that. We don't force others to do what we are doing it is thier choice and no one elses and we dont care if they do or dont seriously and oh my god i heard from amanda this weekend and i almost cried i feel so bad for her having to deal with all that shit man i know i would go crazy if i was holed up somewhere without any of my friends around no i would prolly fucking kill someone and it would most likely be me but whatever oh oh and melinda's baby shower was this weekend and i didnt know about until the day it happened and i seriously considered going but then shit happened and that fell apart but i feel bad not being there i mean i know the whole situation and everything and i dont care anymore at all so whatever oh and i know i already posted in riss's journal but i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry about not calling u last nite alright well my class is ending so i will see u people later peese out.
-renny
Wednesday, June 4, 2003
yea so just for the people who dont know today may be the last day that we ever see Amanda oh wait make that yesterday cuz today she would be.... anyway so yea so she calls me and is like i dont know what to do about chris etc. etc. and i told her that i have said everything i can on the subject we have done this so many times that i am dry, all out then the drama which would be colleen telling amanda about MLE so shit goes straight thru the fan and hits the giant turbo engine behind it and amanda calls chris and is like i hope u have had fun fucking her and yea and now once again we are considering the whole suicide thing and this time people are scared like very very scared so me and amit go meet her down at the park and the irst thing i do when i get out of the car and seee her is give her the biggest most loving most renniest hug ever and i think she got the message in the hug cuz she started crying and we just kinda talked about shit and i gave her my hemp necklace i had gotten as a gift from a very dear friend and i passed it on to her but yea so right now i am sitting in my comp class debating whether or not i might die if i walked to amandas house to go see if she is ok
God i hope she is alright cuz i mean if she really did go thru with it i know there are going to be many tears shed for her and friends hating eachother and this and that and of course we cant forget Drugs cuz that will play a role it always does and always will so yea i dont know what i would do with myself if one of my best friends died
Do you wanna know the worst part why i would feel like the piece of shit that i am because the whole time that amanda has looked for comfort in me all i can do is complain about her that she is treating me like shit and she is being a bitch and all this and when she is in pain who is one of the first people she calls me u wanna know why cuz i am her friend not a very good one at all and i amanda i hope ur alive to read this and if u do i would understand if u never want to talk to me again ecasue if this is the last thing i can write to u i might as well be honest in the past few weeks like after she broke up with lanfare until about now i would say whenever amanda hung out with me i thought she was being "bitchy" and i dint want to hang out with her and stuff and i was talking behind her back that i didnt like her and all this shit but now i have come to say i am sorry i should have ealised that amanda was having one of the roughest times of her life and when she needed me most i was an asshole and i want to apologize even if this doesnt reach you because of circumstances outside of my contol i am truly truly sorry amanda i love u with all of my heart u have been one of my best friends thru thick and thin
-renny
"still one who thinks writing is a hell of alot easier than talking"
Monday, June 2, 2003
yea so this weekend was definitly awesome besides a few assholes but thats another story for a different day. I am not gonna go through all the things that happened at wildwood cuz there are just too fucking many of them but here are a few: Went to Anto and Spencer's house and got fucking trashed, Smoked so much my brain has refused to continue functioning, and drank so much my liver is trying to commit suicide as we speak. Some definite good things I didnt puke, get shot or stabbed, and ate a decent meal at least once each day. Yea so the weekend would have went much better if certain people were there and if others were'nt. I dodnt get to chill with the friends i wanted to nearly enough but still all good
I really think that after this weekend i need to re-evaluate my friends and my lifestyle cuz i mean the whole partying everyday thing is getting lame so i think i am gonna get some new friends and start something new i might not follow thru with this plan but it is a plan none the less well to everyone who reads this bullshit PEACE OUT
Friday, May 30, 2003
ok so wildwood is today and it is gonna be sick FUCKING SICK i cant wait so much fun SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun one thing to say to all the smot pokers out there QP thats right split between 4 people is an O for each person mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ok things to do in wildwood
1. poke smot
2. DRINK
3. get laid
4. Go to as many parties as possible
5. Chill the fuck out with some of my best friends
6. Make sure Amanda has the time of her life
7. Buy sean b-day gift
8. look for nifty cool things on the boardwalk
9. DONT GET ARRESTED
10. have fun and not kill self or get self killed
11. and make the monkeys dance like a fox
Thursday, May 29, 2003
So apparently chris is mad at everyone cuz we have abandoned him and taken amandas side and all this shit well chris this is what i have to say to u about that:
Well you know what chris fuck you. You fucking know I am your brother and i would never abondon you Ok chris so maybe i have been not chilling with u for like three or four days but u know what the last time i was there u kicked me the fuck out so u know what chris i am sorry i have been trying to comfort amanda and stop her from killing herself I am sorry chris that i am trying to save her life i am fucking sorry that i am being selfish with my friends cuz i dont want them to fucking die ok chris i am sorry that i couldnt hang out and smoke with u cuz i was helping a friend and u know what when amanda told me she was going away for a week i almost cried i felt horrible but u know what chris thats when we will hang out when amanda is in the hospital and wont have any of her friends around for support when she will need it but u know what chris i am gonna chill with you cuz maybe i am being the asshole chris i dont know i am sorry if i dont want to see a 16-year old girl kill herself before she has accomplished something in her life worth living for and chris u of all fucking people should know i dont take sides that if u are my friend, my brother and that will never fucking change and i thought u knew that whatever the fuck problems u have with amanda are ur problems not mine so u know what i will just keep myself out of it. Ok chris hopefully i will see you before i go to wildwood but if i dont i love u dude u are my brother i just hope u dont forget what that means
SCAR
CARS
ARS triangle
sorry to anyone this offends but i am a little mad and kinda couldnt keep it in anymore (thank u amit) and i had to say it somewhere so it might as well have been livejournal
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
I wrote this while in work and i thought it was pretty good so i figure i post it here so here goes:
That's the girl she's a bitch
Outside appearances hides all her problems
Deep down pain so great
Heart cut, scarred, and burned
Mind torn in two
She's hurting and it's your fault
You, the one with words that
cut glass, a tongue that leaves
cuts so deep, pain can't be forgotten
and eyes that could kill a man
or a woman or a lonely confused
girl on the brink of destruction
wielding her pain as a weapon and
striking down into her wrists
Then you ask why, when the answer
is dripping down her arms
Too late, of course not, go speak
to the tortured girl, comfort her
tell her with your cold voice
and lieing eyes that you love her
but what will you do when
your words fall on gravestones
Will you miss the girl who grew into
a young woman with your loving arms
and caring eyes deceiving her down
a path of blood, tears, and pain
A pain so great it reached down
deep into a part of her that has been
wounded so many times, that her heart
has forgotten what is like to be whole again
by: Renny
I dunno guys just kinda started writin and this is what i got hope you like it and i dont care if u dont
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